I don’t pretend to be an authority on art, but I can point out what I don’t like, and what I do.
The pale skin and slender build make this model a good fit for this character. Where is her sword?
The model’s facial expression seems to convey a passionate intensity, but not really for bloody revenge by combat. (I am not blaming the model. Models get photographed thousands of times; they can’t exercise precise control over each facial expression.)
The basic costume design is excellent, but some enforcer of public prudery seems to have put semi-transparent clothing between the model and her costume. This ruins the effect. The hair might be a little overdone.
How to fix it: First, get her a sword.
If public costume displays require semi-transparent hotpants and halter tops, do the photo shoot in private with a proper version of the costume. The girl is pretty enough to be a model; there’s no reason why she has to do photo shoots at Comiket.
The facial makeup looks very professional, for an underwear model or an actress, but not for the character. This character is an everygirl-turned-vengeance-seeker. She’s not all that feminine, and she’s definitely not all grown-up.
While all the technical aspects of this photo are “good” to “excellent,” they don’t mesh together well. My first impression, upon seeing it, was dislike. This is probably one of the reasons why it’s so hard to be a model.
Example 2 of 2:
The hair is perfect. The facial expression is good. The costume is well-designed. She isn’t brandishing a sword, which makes sense because this costume is not the combat configuration. Her makeup is minimal, which brings out her natural charm and portrays the girl-next-door quality of the character.
Although all the parts of this photo are just “good,” not “excellent,” the overall effect is very harmonious. My first impression was that this was a charming portrayal of the character.
What one likes in cosplay depends on what one hopes to get out of it. If it’s the kind of thing that you feel non-models should participate in, then you’re probably going to favor amateurism over professionalism.